About four years ago, while I was painting my dining room, I suddenly remembered a guy from my childhood that I hadn't thought about in years. This was not a fond memory for me. This guy was handsome in that painstakingly beautiful way. Yet, he had a cruel streak in him and because I was the gauky, six-foot kid who would never get any dates in middle school I seemed to be the target of his distain. If he had been openly hostile, I might have been able to react with some equal hostility and perhaps through the years his slight may have faded. Instead, he went out of his way to let me know he would ignore me, because I wasn't worth the lint on his jacket. His meanness was the sort that could only be honed by true arrogance and a belief that he was truly better than me. When I was within ten feet of him I felt that distain and was always very confused by it, since I had never done anything to hurt him. There was just something in me that he wanted to crush. In a way, he succeeded.
On the flip side, his two younger brothers were very nice to me. I was actually surprised at how nice the youngest one always was. It almost felt as if he understood how arrogant his brother was and therefore he was embarrassed by it.
Well, anyway, through the years, this guy meant nothing to me, so I was surprised why I was suddenly thinking about him a lot and getting mad doing it. I was even starting to remember events that came from some deep crevace in my brain.
This past year, I caught up with his brothers on Facebook. Out of curiosity I started looking for the mean brother. All other siblings were there but he was not. Maybe he was too good for Facebook, I surmised. Then, tonight I had a thought. I Googled the guy. His obituary came up. He had died three years ago from cancer.
I would like to say that I was truly sad and shocked, but I did not have the most magnanimous of thoughts at that time. Yes, I said silently, "serves him right. Maybe he will know the hurt he caused now." I gave myself my 30 seconds of pettiness then left the room to pick up my son. Afterall, I know I caused some bad feelings for others during that time in my life.
While in the car, I started listening to a poem that someone was reading on "This American Life". A line in the poem struck me. It referred to life not just being about kindness toward others, but the forgiveness of others. I don't know if it's stupid or even arrogant for me to forgive this guy for his silent cruelty of me in my adolescence. I don't know if four years ago, after the guy popped into my head after being gone from my life for twenty-five years, if he was reaching out to ask for my forgiveness. I don't even know that I am that angry with him. I do know that a moment of kindness from him would have helped boost my self-esteem at a time when I desperately needed some boosting. But, even so, I am letting it go. He is in a better place. And there is something really odd (or maybe not) about how he popped into my head during the time he was most likely suffering from the disease. I believe in a cosmic attachment between all humans, and maybe in his lessening days on this planet he was making amends. Dunno. But, I release ye, JH. Sorry we couldn't have been friends. Maybe there is a lesson in that for both of us.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Scary Dudes, Big Hearts
Okay, one more thought then I'm going to read some homework.
Apparently September is national "do the right thing" month, dubbed by me your grand goddess of all that is right in the world. Yesterday I was watching HGTV (yes, I'm boring and that's my favorite channel). Holmes on Homes came on. I mean, this dude looks scary even from my perspective of six feet in the air. So, what is the premise of his show???? Cleaning up the construction issues that other people have created. This show was bad, bad, bad for the homeowners. There were blatent, lazy building issues that had created water leaks that were so horrible, these people were living with half a roof because no one wanted to fix it. Of course, our bad-boy Holmes did and it wasn't an easy fix (I really love listening to Canadians swear, it brings me back to my Buffalo childhood).
The whole time I was watching I was thinking about the angel thing (see below) and thinking, now here is a prime example of how someone is doing the right thing by helping people out who've been screwed by others and is also able to have a successful career in the process.
The Universe provides for those who are following their hearts.
Apparently September is national "do the right thing" month, dubbed by me
The whole time I was watching I was thinking about the angel thing (see below) and thinking, now here is a prime example of how someone is doing the right thing by helping people out who've been screwed by others and is also able to have a successful career in the process.
The Universe provides for those who are following their hearts.
Angels Among Us!
I'm surrounded by angels. Well, yes, we all are, but I'm talking about the earthly type. More than that, I feel very proud to be part of their quiet, understated army.
My first understanding of earthly angels came years ago, back in the early nineties. At the time I was working in Maine. I had attended an event at a friend's Unitarian Church. While I was there, I met an older man - I'm very embarrassed I cannot remember his name - who must have gotten me to talk about some of the pain in my life. He was a retired counselor who was recovering from cancer. He told me to come by his house and we could talk, since he could help me and I could help him by keeping his skills sharp. I did. I went several times. When I met my husband this man even adminstered the Myers-Briggs for us. That man helped me get to the next level of personal awareness in ways I cannot even begin to express in this blog. I may have forgotten his name over fifteen years, but I see his face always and his spirit has carried me through a lot.
I would even have to say he may have been the inspiration or model behind me finally getting my masters in counseling. Even when I was working the glam job on television that everyone admired, I was always intriqued by counselors. What secrets to the human psyche did they possess? How did one go about healing the mental/emotional pain of another. How fascinating!
This man had been the first real earthbound angel I encountered (at least that I recognized). He was not perfect. He had flaws just like the rest of us, but I realized that's what the army of angels are on earth. They are people, with scars and insecurities and personality quirks, who have a genuine interest in helping others. They may be firefighters or librarians. They may be the guy down the street that stops to help someone change of flat tire. More interestingly, an angel may be a homeless guy who keeps someone from burglarizing a home or the former convict that fights to keep kids out of jail. An angel has lived in the trenches in order to understand what it's like for others who are living in them. An angel is not the person who points fingers and accuses others of not living up to their standards. Angels have scars and have been humbled.
Angels don't do their work with any sense of entitlement or with an agenda. They just kinda do it. And for the most part they do it quietly. They might only do it once, but they're there at that exact time when someone really needs them. They may not even know that was their mission. They just knew helping was the right thing to do at that time and had the courage to do it. That's what makes them angels.
After spending two weeks at my practicum site, I realized I was surrounded by angels. These are just a bunch of cool ladies with their own flaws, personalities, expectations in life. They're just people making a living at something that is meaninful to them. Yet, they are so much more. They're in the trenches in a quiet sort of way. Little by little they help to extract people from their own emotional hells. They work hard to be "self-actualized". They just do what they can. I feel very blessed to be around these women and even more, to be able to learn from them.
My first understanding of earthly angels came years ago, back in the early nineties. At the time I was working in Maine. I had attended an event at a friend's Unitarian Church. While I was there, I met an older man - I'm very embarrassed I cannot remember his name - who must have gotten me to talk about some of the pain in my life. He was a retired counselor who was recovering from cancer. He told me to come by his house and we could talk, since he could help me and I could help him by keeping his skills sharp. I did. I went several times. When I met my husband this man even adminstered the Myers-Briggs for us. That man helped me get to the next level of personal awareness in ways I cannot even begin to express in this blog. I may have forgotten his name over fifteen years, but I see his face always and his spirit has carried me through a lot.
I would even have to say he may have been the inspiration or model behind me finally getting my masters in counseling. Even when I was working the glam job on television that everyone admired, I was always intriqued by counselors. What secrets to the human psyche did they possess? How did one go about healing the mental/emotional pain of another. How fascinating!
This man had been the first real earthbound angel I encountered (at least that I recognized). He was not perfect. He had flaws just like the rest of us, but I realized that's what the army of angels are on earth. They are people, with scars and insecurities and personality quirks, who have a genuine interest in helping others. They may be firefighters or librarians. They may be the guy down the street that stops to help someone change of flat tire. More interestingly, an angel may be a homeless guy who keeps someone from burglarizing a home or the former convict that fights to keep kids out of jail. An angel has lived in the trenches in order to understand what it's like for others who are living in them. An angel is not the person who points fingers and accuses others of not living up to their standards. Angels have scars and have been humbled.
Angels don't do their work with any sense of entitlement or with an agenda. They just kinda do it. And for the most part they do it quietly. They might only do it once, but they're there at that exact time when someone really needs them. They may not even know that was their mission. They just knew helping was the right thing to do at that time and had the courage to do it. That's what makes them angels.
After spending two weeks at my practicum site, I realized I was surrounded by angels. These are just a bunch of cool ladies with their own flaws, personalities, expectations in life. They're just people making a living at something that is meaninful to them. Yet, they are so much more. They're in the trenches in a quiet sort of way. Little by little they help to extract people from their own emotional hells. They work hard to be "self-actualized". They just do what they can. I feel very blessed to be around these women and even more, to be able to learn from them.
Amy's site
My friend just posted her new website and it looks fantastic. Amy Gary is one of those people who fits the "do the right thing" theme that I apparently keep discussing. Amy was a powerhouse in the publishing industry> Her last job was with George Lucas and Pixar as their publishing director. I've known Amy for almost 12 years now and knew her during those times when she was balancing motherhood and a profession. My son and her youngest are the same age and buddies. I have always known that Amy has one of the truest, kindest, most generous hearts I have ever been blessed to be exposed to. What I didn't know for over a decade was that she is very psychic.
Her busy life just kept that part of her at bay. Over the last few years several things happened to her to shift her priorities in her life and she is listening more to that side of her. She is a very high spirit trying to simply help others achieve their own sense of spirituality. Check out her site;
Celestialdoor.com
Her busy life just kept that part of her at bay. Over the last few years several things happened to her to shift her priorities in her life and she is listening more to that side of her. She is a very high spirit trying to simply help others achieve their own sense of spirituality. Check out her site;
Celestialdoor.com
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
mid-week
Busy week. Very compelling week and so far it's only Wednesday. Tomorrow will be my third day at my practicum site. Today was my first full day and the thing that struck me the most was how many people in the world are hurting. The second thing was how easy it can be for someone else to see a person's stumbling blocks and issues but how hard it is for a person to see their own.
If only we were given a little magical mirror where we could turn the mirror around and see ourselves honestly, even for a second.
If only we were given a little magical mirror where we could turn the mirror around and see ourselves honestly, even for a second.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
New Day
I start my practicum today. I'm excited. But first a morning class. Something I haven't done since 198 - well you get the drift.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Doing the Right Thing
I was talking to a friend today about why some people don't do the right thing. Why do some people do the opportunistic thing even when it hurts others? So many people are in a strong enough position to help or at least modify bad situations for others. So, why don't they do it?
I think it's fear. Or greed. Or maybe they think the thing they want to do is not good enough because it comes from them.
My friend's example to this was Alabama Governor George Wallace. I didn't know that during his time in the Alabama State Legislature and as a Circuit Judge, he was considered a moderate. Wallace was thought to make judgements not based on race but on what was fair. He didn't walk out of the 1948 Democratic National Convention when collegues protested Harry Truman's civil rights legislation. One black attorney in Alabama called him the most liberal judge he had ever practiced law in front of. The attorney said, George Wallace was the first white man ever to call him "Mister" in the courtroom.
Wallace's turning point came after he was defeated as governor in 1958 by John Patterson. Patterson had been supported by the KKK, Wallace had been endorsed by the NAACP. Wallace was so furious about his defeat, he told an aide, that he would never "be outrigged again." At that point, George Wallace embraced racism to further his political career instead of becoming a flesh and blood Atticus Finch.
What pain and misery he created for hundreds if not thousands of people because ambition was more important than the cause of all of God's people. Who's to say he couldn't have achieved governorship or even presidency by keeping to what he felt was right? It might have taken a while longer. It might have been a harder fight, but along the way, the amount of lives he could have helped improved may have been immense.
Instead, to this day, the name George Wallace brings cringes to many Alabamians, and rolled eyes to the rest of the nation. He might have even achieved his dream of becoming president had he just stayed fair and open and remembered the dignity of all human beings instead of pandering to people's fears to garner votes.
This is not intended to politically bash George Wallace, but he is a strong example of the effect of one's choices. When I came home and did some research on him, I found myself amazed at how someone could so easily throw a portion of themselves away just to obtain something they wanted. I was also extremely impressed (not in the good way) at how that choice worked like a ripple effect throughout the whole country. First it changed his local area of Alabama by keeping segregation in place, then the choice solidified hatred throughout the state. The nation eventually did the right thing, passing civil rights legislation but even then, Wallace had made a public stance that he had to stand by. He had to fight FOR the same racism that at one point he may have fought AGAINST. One man's choice affected a whole generation of both whites and blacks in this country. Just an example of how - no matter what we think - we are entwined with our fellow human beings. Our actions do affect others.
Then I started thinking about myself. What choices have I made in my life that have affected people for good or for bad? I can remember many turning points that changed the course of my life, but am unsure of how they might have changed others. I remember the good things I have done (don't we all?). What about the bad things? Have I completely forgotten? What about the feelings I have hurt because of a choice I have made?
Perhaps this is the best argument for living in the "now". When you are aware of your current state - not your future or your past - you are aware of what you are doing, feeling and saying. This makes us aware of how we are interacting with others and how we are affecting them. This helps us to do the right thing.
I think it's fear. Or greed. Or maybe they think the thing they want to do is not good enough because it comes from them.
My friend's example to this was Alabama Governor George Wallace. I didn't know that during his time in the Alabama State Legislature and as a Circuit Judge, he was considered a moderate. Wallace was thought to make judgements not based on race but on what was fair. He didn't walk out of the 1948 Democratic National Convention when collegues protested Harry Truman's civil rights legislation. One black attorney in Alabama called him the most liberal judge he had ever practiced law in front of. The attorney said, George Wallace was the first white man ever to call him "Mister" in the courtroom.
Wallace's turning point came after he was defeated as governor in 1958 by John Patterson. Patterson had been supported by the KKK, Wallace had been endorsed by the NAACP. Wallace was so furious about his defeat, he told an aide, that he would never "be outrigged again." At that point, George Wallace embraced racism to further his political career instead of becoming a flesh and blood Atticus Finch.
What pain and misery he created for hundreds if not thousands of people because ambition was more important than the cause of all of God's people. Who's to say he couldn't have achieved governorship or even presidency by keeping to what he felt was right? It might have taken a while longer. It might have been a harder fight, but along the way, the amount of lives he could have helped improved may have been immense.
Instead, to this day, the name George Wallace brings cringes to many Alabamians, and rolled eyes to the rest of the nation. He might have even achieved his dream of becoming president had he just stayed fair and open and remembered the dignity of all human beings instead of pandering to people's fears to garner votes.
This is not intended to politically bash George Wallace, but he is a strong example of the effect of one's choices. When I came home and did some research on him, I found myself amazed at how someone could so easily throw a portion of themselves away just to obtain something they wanted. I was also extremely impressed (not in the good way) at how that choice worked like a ripple effect throughout the whole country. First it changed his local area of Alabama by keeping segregation in place, then the choice solidified hatred throughout the state. The nation eventually did the right thing, passing civil rights legislation but even then, Wallace had made a public stance that he had to stand by. He had to fight FOR the same racism that at one point he may have fought AGAINST. One man's choice affected a whole generation of both whites and blacks in this country. Just an example of how - no matter what we think - we are entwined with our fellow human beings. Our actions do affect others.
Then I started thinking about myself. What choices have I made in my life that have affected people for good or for bad? I can remember many turning points that changed the course of my life, but am unsure of how they might have changed others. I remember the good things I have done (don't we all?). What about the bad things? Have I completely forgotten? What about the feelings I have hurt because of a choice I have made?
Perhaps this is the best argument for living in the "now". When you are aware of your current state - not your future or your past - you are aware of what you are doing, feeling and saying. This makes us aware of how we are interacting with others and how we are affecting them. This helps us to do the right thing.
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